Monday, June 27, 2005


How is it that I treat other people nicely, but they don't even remember what I did? How is it that I try to serve others as the Bible teaches, yet they seem to take all my efforts for granted? How is it that when others do the same things as me, they get the notice and gratitude, but I get nothing? How is it that I spend so much of my time, energy and money to make other people happy, yet I don't even get one word of thanks?

How is it that I can be so bitter over such a small thing?

I guess it started easily enough. I saw someone in need. I realized I had the ability to help that someone. So I helped that someone. Simple enough, right?

But then, when you throw in pride, expectations, and jealousy, you open up a whole new perspective to what should have been a simple act of Christian love. And it isn't exactly a good perspective.

The idea of a labour of love, is that it is done by Christians, precisely because Christ had already demonstrated that to us on the cross. He saw we needed His love and salvation. He realized He had the ability to provide us with that love and salvation. So He gave it to us. I mean, all it took was HIS LIFE!!!

And because He had shown that act of love to us, therefore as followers of Christ, we should be doing that to. our act of love should be as a response to what He did for us. Not as an action hoping for a favourable reaction.

And I guess somewhere along the way, I lost that original idea, and came up with a warped variant of it.

Thank God for my devotional, which reminded me that "The person who serves selflessly, lovingly, without complaining, and WITHOUT SEEKING RECOGNITION is highly regarded in the kingdom of God." And also the prayer of St. Francis, which goes somewhat along the lines of "Lord, grant that I may seek to comfort rather than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved."

And I guess it snapped me back to the simple concept of helping someone because someone needed it, and you could provide. To do so simply because you love the Lord our God.

It'll be hard for me, certainly. What with that arrogance that comes from being an officer... But the first step on the road to recovery has always been to be able to identify the main issue, and well, it's a start.

And just possibly, I might be able to lose that bitterness which has been building up.


Wednesday, June 22, 2005


I wonder why, I wonder why
I wonder why I wonder
I wonder why I wonder why I wonder why I wonder
-Richard Feynman

Sometimes, I do wonder why I do the things I do. What motivates me to run all over Singapore to meet my personally set schedule? Is it personal responsibility? Moral obligations?

Talking about moral obligations, lets have an analogy. Let's say I have to meet someone. Now, in order to meet someone, I have to run halfway across town to be at the appointed place at the appointed time. This means that as a result, I can't do all that I want to do. And it's not as if I'm meeting the person to do something I want to do. I'm meeting the person out of 'duty'. However, if I do make it down on time, the other person will feel better, because, well, that's what making an appointment is all about. But also because it provides psychological support to the other person. And when ever my friend feels happy, I feel happy. So as a result, I'm willing to rush halfway across town, and not do the things I want to do.

Now, in such a case, does obligation hold true here? Especially since the word obligation, when pre-fixed with the word 'moral', implies that one is doing something because he has to, not because he wants to. But since I can gain satisfaction out of making the other person happy, it means that I want to do the so-called 'obligation', so ultimately, the word 'obligation' becomes rather moot, doesn't it?

Please ignore the above ramblings of a person who has an excess of time in his hands, and not enough things to do to keep him occupied. Which should change in just slightly over a month.

And by the way, the above analogy has nothing to do with any of the weird things I've done so far. It's just an analogy. And I was wondering.


Monday, June 13, 2005


In Matthew 7:13, 14, we hear words we are familiar with. "Enter through the narrow gate.For wide is the gate and broad the road to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Now, perhaps it was because I heard it so many times that it had lost whatever significance it ought to have had on me. But it was only this morning, while listening to music in church that i finally noticed what it meant. Strangely enough, the song was 'Narrow Way to Heaven', done by the Apologetix, a spoof of 'Stairway to Heaven' done by Led Zeppelin or some other rock band. And then it dawned on me.

In this world, it's so easy to follow our own desires. To do what will give us the maximum amount of pleasure in the least amount of expenditure of effort. To do what 'We' want, not what others want, not even what God wants. And that is why the path to destruction is so broad. It's easy to just follow along, happily living the temporal, only to find that at the end of a series of false 'highs' you find not the 'high of all highs', just hell. It's so hard to live a life for Christ. It seems that we don't have any 'fun', are so strict on ourselves, are so 'priggish and pious' in our religion, but that's what we are called to do; to follow the standards that Christ has set. And it's definitely not a walk in the park, what with us being bombarded with 'independence and individuality'. Hence the narrow way.

That is when we have to make the choice.

The other thing about the verse that struck me is that it said, "...broad is the road to destruction, and MANY enter through it." It said MANY people are going down that path to self-destruction, where they will be destroyed. And what are we doing about it?! That verse is also a challenge to get off our bums and start earning our keep in the kingdom of heaven.

Let's lock and load.