How is it that I treat other people nicely, but they don't even remember what I did? How is it that I try to serve others as the Bible teaches, yet they seem to take all my efforts for granted? How is it that when others do the same things as me, they get the notice and gratitude, but I get nothing? How is it that I spend so much of my time, energy and money to make other people happy, yet I don't even get one word of thanks?
How is it that I can be so bitter over such a small thing?
I guess it started easily enough. I saw someone in need. I realized I had the ability to help that someone. So I helped that someone. Simple enough, right?
But then, when you throw in pride, expectations, and jealousy, you open up a whole new perspective to what should have been a simple act of Christian love. And it isn't exactly a good perspective.
The idea of a labour of love, is that it is done by Christians, precisely because Christ had already demonstrated that to us on the cross. He saw we needed His love and salvation. He realized He had the ability to provide us with that love and salvation. So He gave it to us. I mean, all it took was HIS LIFE!!!
And because He had shown that act of love to us, therefore as followers of Christ, we should be doing that to. our act of love should be as a response to what He did for us. Not as an action hoping for a favourable reaction.
And I guess somewhere along the way, I lost that original idea, and came up with a warped variant of it.
Thank God for my devotional, which reminded me that "The person who serves selflessly, lovingly, without complaining, and WITHOUT SEEKING RECOGNITION is highly regarded in the kingdom of God." And also the prayer of St. Francis, which goes somewhat along the lines of "Lord, grant that I may seek to comfort rather than to be comforted; to understand, than to be understood; to love, than to be loved."
And I guess it snapped me back to the simple concept of helping someone because someone needed it, and you could provide. To do so simply because you love the Lord our God.
It'll be hard for me, certainly. What with that arrogance that comes from being an officer... But the first step on the road to recovery has always been to be able to identify the main issue, and well, it's a start.
And just possibly, I might be able to lose that bitterness which has been building up.