Thursday, December 16, 2004


Today was the second time in a week I had this overwhelming sense of depression come over me. I don't know why it happened, but it just kept coming at me again and again.

Some of you may be surprised, since I appear happy almost all the time, or at the least, sort of lethargic. Well, just in case you don't know, expressionless does not equal emotionless. So though you may have only seen two of my expressions, I do go through the same range of feelings that you all do. Well, ok, most of them.

So I dunno why I felt so down today. I mean, the day started off SNAFU as usual. I was supposed to be able to take leave today, but the replacement guy didn't know he was on replacement etc etc. Then in the end, I just took half day off. Went over to Woodlands Mart to have lunch with Frankie and Emily and a few others, then went home after that.

It was after I got home I think. SMS a bit, then it started. This little voice telling me I was a fool. So I tried to drown my sorrows in Starcraft, but after that, when I had to go out, it came back, worst than ever. It bugged me all the way down to town, as I had to go buy some stuff, and every part of the way, it was just bugging me. A bit irritating, if you ask me.

On the way back also, the little voice at the back of my head going over and over again. Really felt depressed. Which is unusual, since I'm not the depressed kind of person. So anyway, it just sort of bothered me all the way back till now. Now that I'm actually doing something, and actually thinking (yes, even though I am in the army, my brain still functions quite normally thank you) the voice goes away. Hopefully, it will be for good.

Now this whole thing is a major problem that some people face. Especially since this thing can actually lead to a realyl bad case of self-pity, which I have had to fight with on more than one occasion. My advice to you is that if you ever hear a voice like that, you can be damn certain it's not from God. So shut it out. Start praying, or singing, like Aggie says, think positive thoughts. This thoughts that come are the kind that can lead to suicide, so please don't listen to them.

Hope my veterancy will be able to help someone out there. heh...


Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.- 2 Tim 2:22

1 comment:

ArkAngel said...

Oh dang... I got a typo...